He was short and fat, like his penis
“He was short and fat, like his penis, which was also both, but this story is not about his penis, but about him instead.”
This gem is an honorable mention from the 2023 edition of the Lyttle Lytton Contest - a competition celebrating terrible opening sentences for fictional novels.
Many survey questions are just as long-winded.
Like this one, which I recently got from LinkedIn:
Q: If you could improve one thing about a LinkedIn tool or products, what change would you make? Please be sure to list the product along with your suggestion.
Please be as specific as possible. Do not provide any personal information.
___________________ .
It has:
Multiple instructions (improve one thing, list product and suggestion, be specific, avoid personal information).
Inconsistent phrasing ("could improve one thing" vs. "what change would you make").
An easy fix is to break the question into two parts:
First ask this question:
Q: Is there a specific improvement you would make to a LinkedIn product or tool?
• Yes
• No
Second, take everyone who said “yes,” and ask this question
Q: What’s the improvement?
___________ .
- Four separate instructions bolted onto one question
- Inconsistent phrasing — "could improve one thing" vs. "what change would you make"
- Forces everyone to answer a specific follow-up before you know if they even have feedback
- Screener first — only respondents with actual feedback answer Q2
- Instructions eliminated — Q2 is a single, self-evident question
- Phrasing is consistent and plain throughout
Unlike that guy’s short and fat penis, your survey questions should be long where they need to be and trimmed where they don't—with no confusion about what you're really asking for.
Need help doing that?
Consider booking a Roast.
Send me your survey draft, and for $145, I'll make a 15-minute Loom video with copy-and-paste edits and suggestions to improve your survey data quality.
Cheers,
Sam